Today’s blog is dedicated to breasts. It is Breast Cancer Awareness month.

Whether you have real ones or not, this is an important topic. I had small breasts my entire life until I had my daughter, then boom – full C cups. It was shocking. In the hospital, she latched on right away. I thought I was home free. Then the gauntlet came down. I had the problem that I couldn’t produce enough milk; so I had to supplement with formula. There is an urban mom myth going around that if you let you baby drink one drop of formula it would be a point of no return. Like the baby will look at your boob disgusted and will turn away repelled like it just smelled road kill. The lactation expert explained to me very seriously that I had to pump all night long, take Fenugreek, and drink beer. From this advice, I’d be a very drunk bloated tired mom. This killed me. There is nothing worse than having a combination of hormones and feeling like a breastfeeding loser. I called my friend one day in complete breakdown mode “I’m starving my daughter!” She calmed me down and said, “Why don’t you just mix your milk with formula and enjoy your daughter.” Shit. That was good advice. Whether you breastfeed or not, just enjoy your baby and quit sniveling. Enough said.

After I got over that crisis, I decided to get out there and start socializing with other new moms. I went to a play date party with six to eight month olds and their moms. Looking back, it wasn’t much of a play date for mommies as much as it was a contest to see who could whip her breast the fastest to breastfeed. It was like a big hormone breast battle at the OK Corral. I think the babies weren’t even hungry – mom’s were just shoving boobs into their kid’s faces. When all the women were feeding their kids, they looked at mine who was playing on the floor. One asked, “Aren’t you going to feed her”? I replied that I like to give her at least five minutes between feedings. Some moms nodded yes as if to say, “yeah 5 minutes seems reasonable…”

To cover or not to cover. I mention this topic since I was recently talking with my friend who started her own nursing cover business, www.ponchobaby.com. Poncho baby covers are organic, stylish, and have full coverage. Six years ago, I suffered with covers. I thought I looked cool with this printed piece of cloth covering my torso as I was feeding my baby. In reality my baby and I were sweltering in the heat of breastfeeding battle.  When my baby got out of that thing it looked like she swam the Atlantic. It wasn’t like I was Olivia Wilde looking like an angel with her kick ass bod with her suckling baby cradled ever so sweetly.

There is collateral damage for the choices we make. If you were not able to breastfeed or you don’t have kids, there is a tremendous upside; you don’t have to pick your boobs off the floor. I look in the mirror now and see a wee resemblance of the boobs I used to have. I have dreams of my chest looking delicious in a white t-shirt. Recently, reality hit when my daughter said, “ Mommy, I love your long boobies.” I immediately went to target to get a better bra.

The one great thing about being in my forties is a sense of freedom. I say let it all fly; we are all human beings, it’s just a boob, the internet has much more graphic images i for people to get their ya ya’s. We’ve also got Kim Kardashian for goodness sake; she has made it an inevitable right to pimp out any body part regardless of size, let alone show boobs. Be proud no matter what size or shape you’ve become! But this is Hollywood, so when Rome…

For the real truth about breastfeeding, check out this video that explains it all.